Culinary School: Day one
I have entered the world of the culinary arts. Cooking in class, minimal amount of books and homework, sizzling and popping noises from the stove, stained chef coats and bell peppered pants, screaming students cutting their fingertips off and running it under cold water, and avoiding those that talk the most because those are the ones that will make you fuck up your dish. It's an interesting field for those of you that haven't had a job in a restaurant. Interesting as in full of weirdos.
I walked into my first class: Intro to the food service industry. It's a class for people that know nothing about the restaurant industry but is a required course for everyone in the program. So from Anthony Bourdain to Carrot Top, the class was full of people with various amounts of experience. Many people get into this field to cook because they 'love to eat', yet those are the ones that end up sucking on tailpipes in the parking structure because they can't handle the pressure of the line. The others (like myself) are bored as shit in classes like this and do anything to stay occupied, including making up characters for their blog.
The first order of business in any class is introducing yourself and letting everyone know how awesome or pathetic you are. I find this exercise to be interesting because of what lengths people go to explaining themselves in the most detailed and honest way. For example: Our Different Strokes star Gary Coleman evidently has a bastard brother. Let's call him Swillis. He likes to make comments about everything the teacher is saying, and had this to say for his intro: "Hi, my name is Swillis. I just got off probation and before that did time for catching a case with battery. I'm here because I like food, and want to forget about the immature past that I have lived. Teach me to cook, chef. TEACH ME."
It's all in the details, everyone.
Another fella, who looked like Livingston from Ocean's 11, gave this dissertation: "I took this class last year and failed it and that's why I'm here"
Professor: "Why did you fail it last year?"
Livingston: "Well I just never showed up to class and never did my homework. But I promise it will be different this time."
Here are 10 things NOT to say on the first day.
1) Your age. Noone cares
2) Where you're from. Again, noone cares
3) Reasons why you failed this class previously. Seriously
4) That you came straight from the slammer
5) Why you failed out of college the first time. No matter what the reason is, even if valid, keep it to yourself
6) That you have a non-related job to the field. "I work at Foot Locker." WHO CARES
7) That you love to eat. No shit, sherlock. If you didn't like eating then you wouldn't be here. Geez
8) Talk about all the war wounds you have acquired in the kitchen. It only reveals your idiocy
9) That you've never worked in a kitchen or cooked at home. Might as well say "Pick on me. Please."
10) That you work at Applebee's or Old Country Buffet. Immediate loss of major respect points
Sigh...I hope these fools get it together soon. A semester of this just may kill me. Stay tuned...
